Routine

                                                                                                           By Kimiyo

Disclaimer: I don't own it.

 

Tohru doesn’t know what to think when an intoxicated Kagura hammers her fist against the not so thick plastic and glass of her apartment door, making loud and slurred declarations about cats, sidewalks, and the woes of having a cafe job. Vibrations from the boar's harsh knocking seems to make her small apartment shake and her bare toes curl against the cold wooden floor. She rocks back and forth on her heels for a moment before reaching for the doorknob, pale fingers closing tightly around it and turning.

Kagura's tired face meets her welcoming one; the other's pale fist still paused mid-knock.

No reason comes to mind for the older girl to be coming over this late at night, other than maybe to talk or stay over for awhile; both had happened a few times, ending with Kagura falling asleep on her couch with the tv still on, the light from the screen making the shadows under her eyes seem ghastly. Tohru would walk into the hall leading to her bedroom to grab an extra blanket, taking a second to run her fingers over the picture of herself and two boys.

She would smile at the face of the silver haired boy on her right who was smiling at the younger her in the picture, sadness creeping into it at the gruff face of the redheaded boy whose hand was on her shoulder gently squeezing it. Sometimes it hurt to look at the photo for too long when her friend was just a few footsteps away- Alcohol drenched, but she's hurting too- a poor reflection of her once lively self who used to smile and laugh and was strong.

Then she would lay the picture facedown and leave the room only to see Kagura standing in the hallway, hand on a cocked hip, brown hair sticking up on one side the other side still framing her face.

“…ru-chan, Tohru-chaaaaaann…”

A hand waving in her line of sight brings her back to the present, a pair of dark grey eyes peering up at her from the dark brown fringe hiding the thin eyebrows she knows are raised in drunken wonderment. Pink lips are curved up into a childlike smile at her, almost like the tear streaked face that had been at the cemetery was just pretend.

Sob.”It’s not true…It’s not true!!” A deceptively strong fist slams into the faded grey of the stone path, scraping knuckles until little rivulets of blood are flowing onto the cracks made. Sobs and screams tear from her throat as she hits it again and again, glad to have something tangible and solid and there.

The younger girl behind her doesn’t watch her, just keeps running her fingers over the names on the stones while the tears drip down her chin. She wonders briefly if they can feel her tears marking their final resting place, hopes that they know that every one of them is her way of apologizing, that she’s sorry she wasn’t there and that she couldn’t stop it.

“Please, please forgive me. I-I couldn’t save my mom, I couldn’t really help the Sohmas, an-and…” It is then she notices that the other girl’s screams have ceased, she glances over her shoulder only to feel one coat clad arm around her neck and the other wrapped around her waist.

Kagura’s quiet voice whispers,” Tohru-chan, it isn’t your fault, it’s nobody’s fault except for that damn drunk driver,” the arm around her waist tightens,” Let’s just go home, okay?” Tohru looks back at Kagura’s weary face and manages to give a weak smile.

“Okay, Kagura-san,” says Tohru, looking back at the graves one last time.

Instead of saying anything about it Tohru puts an arm around Kagura’s shoulders and leads her to the couch, helping her to a laying position. A sigh escapes her lips as she stands to go get the blanket like the other times, when Kagura’s hand grasps her wrist in an almost steel grip.

“Stay with me?”

The question holds a million meanings they aren’t yet willing to talk about yet, but Tohru sits by her anyway, sinking back into the cushions while Kagura slips her fingers through hers.

Hm, she thinks, a break in the routine.


Author's Notes:

Okay, errr, I don't have any author's notes on the version that's posted on FF.Net but I just wanted to say some things. I adore this story, sad as it is, and that I probably could've done better with the concept of it. I hope you like it and tell me what you think about it.